In serious need of love advice...

Whether you are still looking for a special Chinese women or you have found the one you love, we welcome you to share your Chinese dating tips for successful relationships.

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Jarrod
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Joined: Wed May 09, 2012 8:18 am
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Location: United States

In serious need of love advice...

Postby Jarrod » Thu May 10, 2012 12:42 am

Guys, PLEASE help me out with this. I am the quintessential nice guy. Less scrupulous women have taken advantage of my good nature in the past. I came here, hoping to find someone who values kindness and dependability more than money and good looks. I have been exchanging letters every day with the absolutely most beautiful, smart and sensible woman I have ever talked to. I seriously asked her if she was real, because I think I am dreaming. Anyway, I think it was time to discuss me going over to meet her. She replied back a luke-warm okay. So I told her that I am building strong feelings for her, and asked if she felt the same way. She replied back "It is my honor to talk with you." What does that mean? I know it is nice and polite, but it sounds like something you say to a new acquaintance. I have to get help, because I am totally blind to these types of matters. Have I mis-read the entire situation? Please help!!!

Mark
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Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2012 7:22 am
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Location: United States

Re: In serious need of love advice...

Postby Mark » Thu May 10, 2012 2:17 am

Jarrod,
I understand your situation. No offense, but you're being a little pushy and she's being polite. Back off a bit and be PATIENT. It may take some time for her to develop confidence with your intentions. These ladies are very conservative. Take the lead from her and go SLOW, don't come on real strong. Once she has developed some trust in you, she will open up more about her feelings and be more expressive. These ladies are very romantic from the heart and believe that love must be expressed deep from the heart first and foremost. Don't communicate any sexual inuendos; it's romance, love, honesty and a stable companion they're seeking at this point. She will tell when the time is right for you to visit her . . . she'll tell you that she is waiting for you.

Tyler
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Joined: Wed May 09, 2012 8:19 am
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Location: United States

Re: In serious need of love advice...

Postby Tyler » Thu May 10, 2012 5:11 am

Perhaps she is reserved, perhaps she is being restrained... the only way to know is to ask her. In Chinese culture, directness is avoided in a lot of situations, but this is one 'cultural incompatibility' that isn't very congruous with actually setting up a relationship.

"It is my honour to talk with you" MAY (and I mean MAY) be a polite way of saying "no thanks." A Chinese woman will eventually say no if it comes to it, but use indirect measures before that. More than likely, however, it means exactly what it means. In a future e-mail, you may want to ask her directly "If I am to prepare to go to China to meet you, it is important I know your feelings about me and about our connection. What do you think?" Depending on your style, you may or may not want to couch these comments with something like "Feel free to speak openly to me."

After all, here, coyness and politness will only cost you in the end if she's not interested.

Go for honesty.

The young miss I am talking to, she directly says she cannot wait to see me and we talk on the phone/text message (yay celphones)/e-mail multiple times per day. It's pretty evident. You should be aiming for similar clarity.

Jarrod
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed May 09, 2012 8:18 am
Chnlove.com Member: Y
Location: United States

Re: In serious need of love advice...

Postby Jarrod » Thu May 10, 2012 6:21 am

Mark and Tyler,

Thank you both for the advice. I have been exchanging letters exclusively with her on a daily basis for a month, and honesty has been paramount to me. I have probably been too honest about myself, but she is still writing to me, so I must not be too bad. She has said some really nice things to me in her last couple of letters especially, so I think I am going to be patient. She is definitely worth it and then some. I realize my mistake now, but being spontaneous is part of who I am. It was very helpful to get your input. Good luck to both of you and thank you again!


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